EMOTIONAL AIRBAGS

I got asked how I’m feeling at the moment. Actually, I was challenged that all I’m providing is a series of anecdotes. Geez, the truth hurts.

I know that I’m bored. I don’t have a lot to do at work (no, please don’t send me your work to do). I’ve spent the last two weekends stuck in my dogbox writing assignments – I knew I should have withdrawn when I had the chance. Near my place there’s nowhere to go, and nothing particularly interesting to do. Shooting hoops by yourself or playing guitar alone is only entertaining for a certain period.

I know that I’m alone. None of the Thai students seem to speak a conversational level of English, or at not least with me. All my friends, my girlfriend and family are back in Australia. The group that I get along with at work and others on my program all live in Bangkok because they realised/knew how dull this area is. I haven’t been able to join them because of essays, and it looks like I’ve at least one more weekend of essays and then two of training before I can have fun. I’ve gone the last two weekends with out talking to anyone. There’s only so much company you can get from shooting hoops by yourself or playing guitar alone in your bedroom. (Although I am getting better at both).

I know this, but I’m not really feeling it. There’s a big white space in the middle of my emotions that’s pushing everything else, the more substantive feelings, to the edges so that I don’t feel them that strongly. It’s probably a coping strategy, an emotional airbag if you will, so I’m bored but not frustrated and alone but not lonely. I guess a series of anecdotes is actually a pretty fair representation of where I’m at at the moment.

I’m excited about the prospects being here and want to get back into Bangkok as soon as possible where there’s so much life swirling around. I’m also intimidated about getting back in Bangkok, but in a good way. I want to travel and I want my weekends free to take trips to other parts of Thailand and Asia. There’s good things coming up, I’ve just got to finish these DAMN ESSAYS!

NEW CHORDS LEARNT: 1 – B minor. It’s really hard.
NEW THAI PHRASES LEARNT: None - I’ve got to finish these DAMN ESSAYS!