FONDLED BY THAI MEN…

I just spent the last week in an emergency response-training course (now half way through) with only Thai participants. I voiced fears earlier about not talking with anyone, and while that’s happened the Thais have done everything they can to communicate. However given they speak about 20 words of English and I 5 of Thai it hasn’t got too far. What’s been interesting is that they’ve been both welcoming and making me the butt of the jokes – a difficult combination that they manage to pull off simultaneously. And I do mean simultaneously, not alternatively.

The sessions are a combination of lessons and practical sessions. I initially found it challenging being in such a tactile environment compared to what I’m used to, but have gotten used to it. Exactly why the physical check of a patient needs to involve checking the buttocks for injury I’m not sure – I doubt there’s any vital organs there.

On my first day I was writing notes in class, and felt people looking over my shoulder. They were intrigued to see me writing English, and with the help of the interpreter I learnt that it was the fluidity of the language that was compelling. Thai involves very separate characters with several strokes so each letter is an effort in itself, especially compared to English with its loops and joined letters.

The others are staying at the training centre and each day begins with a jog, talk from their supervisor, and a flag raising ceremony at which the sing the anthem. I was planning on staying at the centre until I couldn’t roll out of bed just prior to the classes. I still find it surprising to see them singing the anthem as the flag’s raised, though that’s just my Australian cynicism coming through. I watched the ceremony the other day while listening to Tom Waits on my Discman (believe me, you don’t want to hear them sing the anthem). It was great to think they were raising the flag singing “…They all jump when the hear the sirens, but Romeo just laughs, all the racket in the world, ain’t gonna save that coppers ass…”

Thais have an alternative annual calendar to the standard BC/AD variety, and as such our lessons are currently being conduct in October 48. It looked really strange seeing the date of the lesson given as 27/10/48. I can’t remember from my Thai history lesson what happened in 1957 (it was a political event), but will report back.
On Friday the taxi driver I got got lost. I gave him the address written in Thai, he asked other drivers directions, he still got lost. I told him to turn around, gave him directions, pointed out the street, he still got lost. He stopped the cab under instruction, I yelled, he asked for payment, he got some pay, the door got slammed. I got another cab. Angry, and slightly out of pocket, I got to the training just before start. Grumpy, with dark clouds circling, but with my everything’s-wonderful-in-Thailand smile plastered on, I walked into the meeting room. The participants were having a spontaneous concert with drums, tambourines and cymbals they’d got from somewhere. One of them was signing (they love karaoke). It took at 12 secs for my fake smile to become a real one, 20 secs for the taxi driver to be for gotten, and 25 secs for me to leave the room to find something else to do until class started. It cheered me up, but they were still really, really bad.

One final thing, and while I know it’s not fair, we studied “Anatomy and fishology of the body” on Thursday. Heh, heh, heh.

HARRY POTTER

Through necessity I picked up a Harry Potter book to read. Necessary as the only other book in English was Dan Brown. Never, never will I read that book.

It’s so much fun. It’s just fun. Fun. I’d forgotten that books could be just fun. I haven’t read a book absent of philosophy, sadness, beauty and emotion in so long that I’d forgotten what it was like to read something fun and I’m loving it. I’m not talking about escapism but enjoyment. Not forgetting about my world, but doing something that enhances it by, entering a world with characters and adventures.

Fun.

PRIMORDIAL SOUP

Rain crashed down today. It was prehistoric, primordial, the sort of rain that created life. Man throughout time had looked at it, and failed to alter it. All we can do is find or build shelter. Looking at the rain and my little bit of shelter, I felt connected to people everywhere and everywhen.

WANTIRNA, THAILAND

Attached are some pictures of Rangsit, Thailand. From what I can gather it is to Bangkok what Wantirna is to Melbourne.

Try A Little Tenderness

Try a Little Tenderness - Otis Redding: Best song ever.

(Yes, I know I say that a lot, but every song I say it about is the best song ever).

Also, the baby gecko in my room and I seem to be getting better acquainted. No, not like that. Geez. He's been crawling on my wall look at me for a couple hours now. Every now and again he comes for a closer look, and because I haven't done anything to shoo him away I think he's beginning to understand I mean him no harm. As I think I've said before, the geckos can stay so long as they don't run over my face while I sleep.

CAFÉ LATTE

When I got here, the guy conducting our induction training told me that Thai’s spend all their time with company, and most often out eating. He said that that person eating alone in a restaurant is considered a loser. I must be the biggest loser in the whole of Thailand at the moment.

I went into a cafe the other week, sat down and asked for a coffee. The guy said yes, and brought me a food menu anyway. After about 15 mins I asked what had happened to the coffee, and he said "oh, isn't someone else coming?" Not in a patronising manner, but in a surprised manner that I would be alone.

When the coffee turned up it came with a shot of hot, black tea. I have no idea what I was supposed to do with the tea.

LOSER RATING: #1
TEA SHOOTERS: 1

HOW BLUE CAN YOU GET?

Well it finally hit, I’m not at home and I’m feeling lonely. It’s been three days since I’ve spoken to anyone, and I’m about to head into a two-week (thirteen out of fourteen days) training session with only Thais, whose English isn’t very good, meaning two weeks of not talking to anyone.

I’ve been having lunch with a group of young people from all over the world who work in my and similar organisations and I hadn’t realised how important my lunchtime conversations had become as a source of friendship, words, conversations, interaction and stimulation.

This is the first time that I’ve not really felt like I’m at home, and I want to be. I haven’t really felt any culture shock here as it’s all too similar, and I’ve maintained enough contact with people at home and new friends here. Now that later support has been temporarily taken away and I don’t want to put too much onto those at home. I’ve finally got isolated. I think I’ll write a few emails and talk about things, but I don’t want to be a burden anyone and ultimately any change to my circumstances will come from me and what I do here.

(Yes, I know putting this here will put pressure on others to do something, but that’s not the point of my writing this. This is a discussion I’m having with myself that I’m sharing so that you understand what’s going on. Afterwards everything will be OK.)

WE WORKED ON…

I caught one of my Thai colleagues last week taking partial credit for work that I’d done when it was presented to the boss. I was fuming, but decided to leave things until the next day. “Who knows, maybe that’s the way things are done here?” I reasoned. I spoke to a contact of mine, and he said he’d find out if a confrontation was possible without destroying completely our working relationship, and if this was the norm. He thought that there was probably good reason to avoid saying anything directly.

I went into work the next day, and planned to say something at the end of the day. Through the course of the day my colleague was criticised a couple of times and was upset, so I had to let things slide.

I spoke to my contact that evening, and he’d checked with Thai friends of his. They’d said that it was inappropriately and my colleague was obviously a cheat. They’d also have confronted her straightaway. Well what do you know. There I was being the ‘culturally sensitive’ guy, and I was just being played. At least I’ll know next time and will look after how my work’s being presented. I guess there’s jerks everywhere.

JERKS: 1
LESSONS LEARNT: 1

SHEEP PENS

The BBC World Channel is beamed into my room on campus. Yesterday they playing the first day of Saddam Hussein’s first trial live to air (or at least minimally delayed) in full. As in real time. As in, if Saddam had picked his nose we’d have seen the knuckle disappearing. As in when the lawyer shuffled his papers, we saw. The footage was of Hussein and seven of his cohorts sitting in what look like sheep pens, sitting, and listening. Over the top was the occasional interpretation of the lawyers’ speeches. There were many words spoken in Arabic and then a very short translated English, leading to long gaps between the English translations. From the faces of the accused I think boredom is part of their punishment, though a limited torture compared to the crimes they’re charged with.

The prosecutor began reading a long list of crimes committed by the regime before the defence attorney objected that the trial was only about the Dujail massacre. There were wild gesticulations, shouting, and a sleepy looking judge giving a ruling. As the Dujail incident was retold in detail there was nearly no reaction from the eight accused, until one of them buried his head in his hands. Was it remorse? Was it fatigue? Boredom? Was it wishing he hadn’t got caught?

I find it amazing that such a historic, boring event was presented in full live to air. The elements of transparency and fairness in the judicial system have to be ensured. Its being played live on Iraqi television too and I wonder how it’s being received there.

I made it through 15 minutes of the historic event before exercising my freedom.

(ACCUSED) MONSTERS: 8
NOSES PICKED: NONE…YET.

LOCH NESS MONSTER

Its prehistoric form, motionless against a modern backdrop, waited. Its tongue sensed the air, flicking in and out of a strong, scaly jaw. Nostrils quivered, and eyes scanned the car park. Scales covered muscle, muscle covered bone, instinct and body transcended time.

Nearly a metre and a half separated its sharp front teeth from its powerful tail. It waited, confident that it was the predator. Finally, with an authorative strut it paced through the car park toward its lair in the reeds arising from the lake. The scourge of the feral kittens slid easily into the water, and sped silkily to the reeds with just its head exposed before disappearing.

Myth ceased to be myth, as physical evidence substantiated the existence of a dinosaur amongst Thailand’s future. Nessie was no more, and the monitor lizard was real. Incontrovertible evidence will be posted soon, but until then here’s a picture of the beast’s home.

FERAL KITTENS LIVING NEAR THE LAKE TWO WEEKS AGO: 8
FERAL KITTENS LIVING NEAR THE LAKE YESTERDAY: 3
PHOTOS TAKEN BY JAMES WHEN HE GOT TOO CLOSE WITHOUT REALISING BEFORE FREAKING OUT WHEN THE LIZARD LOOKED AT HIM: 1

EMOTIONAL AIRBAGS

I got asked how I’m feeling at the moment. Actually, I was challenged that all I’m providing is a series of anecdotes. Geez, the truth hurts.

I know that I’m bored. I don’t have a lot to do at work (no, please don’t send me your work to do). I’ve spent the last two weekends stuck in my dogbox writing assignments – I knew I should have withdrawn when I had the chance. Near my place there’s nowhere to go, and nothing particularly interesting to do. Shooting hoops by yourself or playing guitar alone is only entertaining for a certain period.

I know that I’m alone. None of the Thai students seem to speak a conversational level of English, or at not least with me. All my friends, my girlfriend and family are back in Australia. The group that I get along with at work and others on my program all live in Bangkok because they realised/knew how dull this area is. I haven’t been able to join them because of essays, and it looks like I’ve at least one more weekend of essays and then two of training before I can have fun. I’ve gone the last two weekends with out talking to anyone. There’s only so much company you can get from shooting hoops by yourself or playing guitar alone in your bedroom. (Although I am getting better at both).

I know this, but I’m not really feeling it. There’s a big white space in the middle of my emotions that’s pushing everything else, the more substantive feelings, to the edges so that I don’t feel them that strongly. It’s probably a coping strategy, an emotional airbag if you will, so I’m bored but not frustrated and alone but not lonely. I guess a series of anecdotes is actually a pretty fair representation of where I’m at at the moment.

I’m excited about the prospects being here and want to get back into Bangkok as soon as possible where there’s so much life swirling around. I’m also intimidated about getting back in Bangkok, but in a good way. I want to travel and I want my weekends free to take trips to other parts of Thailand and Asia. There’s good things coming up, I’ve just got to finish these DAMN ESSAYS!

NEW CHORDS LEARNT: 1 – B minor. It’s really hard.
NEW THAI PHRASES LEARNT: None - I’ve got to finish these DAMN ESSAYS!

HELP, I NEED SOMEBODY

I managed to solve most of the mosquito problem a few days ago. I discovered that the top windowpane in the bathroom was missing - I just thought that it was really clean. Also, there’s gecko that seems to live behind my curtains and he might also be helping to keep the mosquito population down. He can stay there and eat as many of the things as he likes unless he runs over me at night – then the arrangements over.

Maintenance came and fixed the broken window the same day, which sounds really efficient if you don’t know that there are normally about 20 maintenance guys sitting around doing nothing. If you asked the old joke of Thais “How many people does it take to change a light bulb” the answer’s “More than anywhere else”.

It’s not that they’re lazy, far from it, things are just organised differently here. For example, on my first day I bought a power board to plug my gizmos into. One person took the product from me and put it in a bag, a second took the money and passed it to a third who worked the till, while a fourth ran up the sale on the cash register. And that’s not unusual. There’s just more staff around and they socialise a lot more while they’re at work.

For those towards the bottom of the commercial scale, such as the small shop owners, work seems to be something that’s all encompassing but also social. By way of example, there’s a guy on campus that runs as small motorbike/pushbike repair shop. He’s open 7 days a week for more than 12 hours a day. But he’s not working for 12 hours, he’s there for 12 hours. If he has 12 hours worth of work to do, then he’ll do it, but he doesn’t go chasing it. In the intervening time he’s got friends around, or other shop owners, who sit and chew the fat. The conversations seem to be the whole point of going to work, and that’s what makes the 7 days a week bearable. It’s a very different approach to work back home were the objective (mostly) seems to be get in, work hard, and be there a little as possible. It’s the time outside of work that’s the most important, social time. Given that we spend 5 out of 7 days at work ‘not socially’, I wonder who gets to spend more time with their friends?

HOURS AT WORK: Not as many as the Thai bike store owner

NO SEX PLEASE, WE’RE THAI

There’s a couple of movie channels on cable TV playing Hollywood movies in Enlglish (I’ve watched some shockers that strangely didn’t seem so bad here), and its taken me a few days to figure out what I was finding slightly unnerving about the films. The sex scenes are cut out. Something was irking me a little bit about the films I was watching (besides the bad scripts) but it took me a few days to notice that it was the total absence of nudity. Initially I thought that the station was just being prudent in their selection, until I watched a film that I knew there was nudity in. Or isn’t, in Thailand.

It’s strangely distracting not to have sex in a film. While it can be too gratuitous back home, I keep expecting something to ‘pop-up’ but it never does. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not Mr Randy-Pants, but it just feels weird that it’s not there. Violence, however, is OK.

At lunch I asked a few people (1 girl from Singapore, 1 girl from India, and two boys from the UK) “Is nudity cut out of films here?”
“Yes!” was the very quick reply from the guys. “But you can show someone being shot.”
“Well violence is a part of life” from my female Indian colleague.
“So’s sex!” The two UK lads simultaneously.
“That’s such a western view.” - Indian female. Apparently sex isn’t a part of life in India.

BAD MOVIES WATCHED: 3
CULTURAL REFERENCE I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND: 1

PLEASE FEED ME

I very nearly paid dearly for being unable to speak Thai today.

On campus there’s a restaurant (quite nice) and a string of about 8 food stalls (OK, just). This evening (Sunday) when I went to order there were only a few of the food stalls open, none of which spoke English, and none of which had a menu, pictures or food that I could just point at like a dumb ape to order. Isolated, stuck, I prevaricated between embarrassingly attempting to order food, not eating or eating a pile of junk from 7-11. Others had told me that you could get by without speaking Thai by pointing, but they’d just been proven wrong. I was an outsider and it was my own fault, and it looked like no dinner would be my punishment for being ignorant of the country I was in.

I approached the stalls three times before my stomach got the better of my embarrassment. Fortunately the first stall managed to produce a menu when I approached, but that isn’t the point. I need to do more to learn Thai, to fit in, and not be a stupid Farang. I guess I’ll be going for the $65 Thai classes.

FARANG

I overheard someone use the word ‘Farang’ as I walked passed for the first time today. The speaker was a 5 year old, so I couldn’t be offended, but the last couple of days I have felt like a ‘foreigner’. On the campus nearly all of the students are locals, and the English levels here are much lower than in Bangkok. In the city proper there’s foreigners everywhere and all the Thais speak English.

It’s been interesting to walk around and feel isolated from those around me. Being a white male in Australia it’s pretty rare that I ever feel like a minority. I can’t speak to people that I want to, I have to figure things out for myself, and I can’t always be sure of what I’m going to get when I order food.

ENGLISH SPEAKERS ON CAMPUS: 5.5%
MEALS I DIDN’T EXPECT: 1.5

NO SLEEP IN THE DOG BOX

I’ve figured out why the room was vacant. Firstly there are stacks of mosquitos – I’m just hoping that Pathum Thani (the outer suburb I’m living in) is a malaria-free area. I’ve discovered that the fake Birkenstocks I bought at the market are great fly swatters, but my wall is already beginning to turn from an off white into a mottled mix of mosquito and Birkenstock-sole print.

Then there’s the fact that it’s near the front door – I can hear everyone come and go. Finally, there was a lot of light coming in the window so I got up to see if I’d left the balcony light on, when I looked out the window I could see that one of the campuses floodlights was shining directly on my window. I looked for the switch in my room, but couldn’t locate it.

Needless to say there wasn’t a lot of sleeping done, but I figure if I learn to sleep through this I’ll be able to sleep through anything.

I’ve been looking into doing a language course while staying here as I’d like to learn a bit of Thai. A colleague of mine pointed out that the local language centre offers two language courses – Thai at 2,000 Baht (AUD$65) or French at 250 Baht (AUD$8.50) for 27 hours of class. Go figure the logic. When I saw the price of the French class I used the expression “Holy Guacamole”. I then spent 20 minutes trying to explain why I used that phrase, what Guacamole is and finding a picture of it on the Internet.

MOSQUITOS KILLED: AT LEAST 28
ACCOMMODATION RULE #1: ALWAYS CHECK FOR WATER NEAR YOUR ROOM

DOG BOX

I got my new accommodation today – a dog box at the university campus. It’ll do for a few months, and above all things cheap. The rents about $130 per month – not quite what I was paying in Fitzroy. It’s basically four walls, cold shower, and a TV playing only Thai channels and soccer – if my Thai gets anywhere near useful (which I doubt) I’ll be able to get my fill of Thai soaps as that’s all that seems to be shown on the box here. I hope it’ll be alright for a while, as I don’t plan on moving into Bangkok until the new year. That’s when the fun of living in a major metropolis should really kick in.

I’ve got a bike to get to and from work, and let me tell you it’s a beast. It may have been the first bike ever important into Thailand, but that’s what you get for $20. As I bump along the uneven footpath to work – no way am I going to ride on the roads – the seat keeps tilting backwards, and the task is made increasingly difficult as the handlebars aren’t aligned properly with the front wheel. I may need to do a little repair work over the weekend.

FORMS WRITTEN IN THAI THAT I SIGNED: MORE THAN I HAD FINGERS
FORMS WRITTEN IN THAI THAT I SIGNED THAT I UNDERSTOOD: 0
TV CHANNELS I CAN UNDERSTAND: 1

BROKEN GLOBE

There’s an interesting take on conservation going in Thailand. Basically there isn’t any I can see unless it’s essential. Bangkok still suffers from blackouts occasionally so there’s signs everywhere telling people to turn off the lights etc, and for the most part they do. It goes as far as turning on and off lights in some public spaces if you’re the first or last to arrive or leave. That’s pretty awesome when you consider the ambient light levels that Melbourne produces.

But then there’s no further follow-up or green movement. For example, there’s no recycling. It’s obviously a practical and not theoretical underpinning to the conservation that does occur. They also seem to be saving milk as it’s all ‘whitener’ here. I’ve started to drink my tea black and have had to give up coffee as a\there’s no real coffee, and b\the Nescafe is even worse here than back home, completely undrinkable without milk. The only other thing they seem to be saving is vegetables – they don’t come with anything. I was literally served rice and meat for dinner one night. While it may sound like heaven to my brother, I’m actually missing having some dead flora along with my dead fauna.
Speaking of power saving, I wish I could turn off the radio in my work area. All day long its terrible Thai pop ballads – and if you think Australian radio’s bad you ain’t heard nothing yet. I’ve heard one song, more specifically one chorus, go on for 20 minutes.
The only other thing of note is the rain. It doesn’t muck about, the whole sky falls for about 20 minutes and then is done for the day. There’s no point carrying a brolly around either – you need to be under shelter.

SECOND DAY AT WORK

Today was my first real day at work, after Monday just involved sitting around finishing off a few private things, and boy was it interesting.

I had my introductory meeting the manager of my organisation. In only 10 minutes he managed to become the most dignified, stately and trustworthy man I think I have ever met. I think I made a good impression, and being a Uni Melb alumnus carried some weight – about the first time it’s got me anywhere.

Later that day we had our monthly all-staff meeting – though of the 50 people in the organisation there only ever seems to be 20 around. After the manager’s update it was the turn of the sections to present their information. Chairing this section gets rotated amongst the teams, and this month the chair decided to play “Information Bingo”, whereby names were drawn out of the hat to talk about what they’ve been doing. We had scorecards with the names on it, and a completed row was a winner.

I was asked to introduce myself initially. In our training I’d been told that they’re really asking about myself and my life, whereas back home the question’s about functions and academic/work history. I didn’t really want to share much in public so I went with the functional approach.

The rest of the meeting passed, and I was asked to introduce myself further. I hesitated, filled in some more academic stuff, why I’m in Thailand, fluffed around, before the head of HR said, “I think that the singles here would like to know if you’re attached?” Thank you very much. With a deep blush, and a nothing answer I managed to get away without saying anything – though the rest of the room seemed to really enjoy it. At my expense of course.

CREDIT (EVER) FOR ATTENDING UNI MELB: 1
EMBARRASSMENT ON A SCALE OF 1-10: 6.2